strange and mysterious things

Today was pretty full I think.

It was a slow start at first… Last night I left the house at roughly 10 Pm (March 20th) for groceries. I did not return home till about 3 Am (March 21st). And this is due to some serious OCD that I really need to get reined in. It took me almost three hours to pick out the perfect containers of food with perfect expiration dates. You don’t even know how picky I am right now. I am roll’n this like a jeweler inspects diamonds. Then I crunch the numbers on risk of contamination like a team of microbiologist inside my head in peak outbreak, risk level whatever the fuck color is high risk. I probably wash my hands compulsively with sanitizer just about every time I touch ANYTHING. Any new container, myself ect. My hands are bleeding. This is not a healthy thing. I mean, I’m carrying around a sharpie so that when I pick some’n up and check it over… I can make a note to know that I inspected the container, the seal is intact and the expiration date is good. If I don’t and I open the container, within 30 seconds I have a complete mind fuck and question myself into gut wrenching stress cramps/anxiety attack.

As if I hadn’t taken long enough to pick everything out perfectly, some’n had to go down and fuck with my program. While sifting through fresh food I am approached by two other shoppers. They also want to sift through fresh food. The thing is, THEY are not soo fresh (the two other shoppers)… Wouldn’t you know, smelling all expired and clothes rotting, eyes rotting, just in general sick they decide to shop directly over my basket. Dangling their rotten clothes all over my perfect containers. I nearly had a meltdown. And not like an out loud meltdown, like an inside frustration with myself meltdown. I know that all my containers are sealed to perfection but cause of what just happened I CANNOT bring myself to be ok with buying my groceries. They are now contaminated. I stood there in crisis for probably 30 minutes. I grabbed another basket, started putting items back and grabbing new ones. Marking them all long to make sure there was no chance I would take home one of the contaminated items by accident. I’m still not 100% satisfied. I ended up cutting my grocery order in half. And some stuff, I still don’t want… Thankfully I have an appointment in April to get my head examined.


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