I’ve been up since 4 Am 😦 I managed to pull off four hours of sleep. My head and my stomach are still a wreck. (Dad just called) Dad worries about me, I know he does. He loves me. I called Mom last night when I couldn’t sleep, it must have been about midnight. She doesn’t communicate as often but I know she loves me too. She always listens to my foolishness no matter the hour and she is always supportive. Gives me hope that things will get better tho sometimes it seems like they never do.
Last night I finished reading a book. “Go Ask Alice” I’ve read this book before but I don’t remember it being so depressing. I remember it being a good read, I read it while I was in a slump last time also and I didn’t notice but there is another short story in the back. Peaked my paro. I think this book may not make it into my collection permanently.
I’m on my second bottle of water now and took my pills. I’m in a mode now with things that I’m just saying fuck it. Fuck it if I don’t have the patience to wash my hands fifty times before I take my pills or open a bottle of water. I wash em, I rinse em, I dry em. I take my pills. Done. After reading that book, the last thing I need is to end up like Alice. Maybe I can safeguard against it if I never stop writing and I never stop communicating with my family and from here on in cut the booze. I need to treat my body like a temple! I need to drop a little weight, hit the probiotics, go to the doctor and be persistant. Find a nice place to live thats good for my mental and physical health. Ride my bike more and quit milling over things that I cannot change. And find some more positive reading! Ugh that book 😦
Might take a drive to the valley today if my roommate has time and my mind/body allow it. Connections tomorrow, I can’t wait to see everyone again. Maybe I’ll ride my bike down tomorrow. On a positive note. This is not the worse I’ve ever felt.
There have been way worse days. If I could make it through those. I can make it through this. I know I can.