Made it into Connections, the week is pretty much at a close. I’ve endured what I thought to be unendurable. Today has been very positive. I went to recovery group this morning and poured out my story about how I feel like life is just all fucked up again and I’ll never get better. The facilitator really helped me to see that I am make’n progress, I am use’n my supports. I am being proactive and seeing my doctors. I’ve been sent (quickly) for abdominal x-rays and I have an EKG come’n up. I really need to learn to see the positive in my situation and feel a bit of compassion for myself instead of being so hard on myself about something I can’t change.
Mike was kind enough to walk with me to the park for some emergency CBT upon my immediate arrival. Which was nice cause the little things are getting away from me. It’s hard when you feel like your on the ragged edge to not let things get away from you.
Went to mindfulness today also. It was very grounding.
and yesterday I went through some rec planning with Heather. Found that there are a lot of activities I would love to get into. Tennis was one of them. And while checking my facebook this morning in the resource center I overheard Elaine helping another member put together an ad for someone to play tennis with. I piped up and said I am interested, turns out it’s just down the street from me.
I need to learn how to live life. Just like the rest of the world does and find meaning, purpose and fulfillment. I know its out there and I know I have it in me. Just gotta dig deep and find it.