not to bitch n complain

But… Fuck my guts are a wreck. I have to still eat and drink and get on with life tho. I decided to live in the moment today most of the day, only concerning myself with what is going on in the now. I even drove myself to join in on the festivities this afternoon and sing with the music appreciation group, completely outta my element.

I’m gonna go home and play some tennis tonight to if the weather holds out, then maybe some light fruit for supper. Wish I could just drink a pint of Pepto everyday and make everything better. Hope my guts hold out for the trip to Moncton. I actually really wanna go. I won’t lie the way I am feeling “again” is really starting to scare me. I feel like I am going completely backwards. I feel like I damaged something inside my body and each day it passes diagnosis is one less day that I can have back of a quality life. I know I’ve said it before a million times here, there are always ups and downs and the downs scare me and the ups draw me into a sorta lethargic droning. I have no idea what is wrong but it is taking every ounce of my being to endure it. Please let this end soon.

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