Dear Diary, Aug 14

Woke up this morning disappointed. Went to bed early and I wanted soo bad to feel better but I just ended up feeling worse 😦 It was soo hard to get outta the house this morning. I’ve not brushed my teeth for five days cause I am to scared to put a toothbrush in my mouth. I feel so fragile, like I may just shatter @ even the thought of something going wrong. My guts are all raked to pieces. Thank goodness I have appointments today. I spent most of my morning talking with Mike (my social worker) about all of my fears and all of my guilt and my anxiety. It does help to get it out, but in a way I feel like it belongs in. Is this just all in my head? I try so hard to ignore it but no matter how hard I try it just rapes my body each day. Nausea, Headache, gut ripping pain and now muscle/joint pain. My fingers are so sore this morning I can barely operate my pinky. I just gotta pour all this crap out, take my pills and hold on tight cause this ride is happening again and I’m just a passenger. That’s something I cannot change. What I can change is my actions, I can take all positive actions presented to me to try and curb the suffering.

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