scared shitless, literally

Oh my. Today I was feeling good, barely a touch of nausea after weeks of stomach knots and general malaise. Par for the course these days. But this evening @ around 5 or 6’ish Pm I had dinner with a friend. We had sausage on a bun. Now, I have been eating meat for a while now. I eat from Connections and I eat from many other establishments. My reasoning tho flawed is that these places cook their meat to a universal standard. Ensuring the bugs don’t survive the ride. And I know from experience that this is not 100% accurate.

In the past I have prepared meat for myself, I’ve not gotten sick. And well this woman I was eating with. She is a competent cook I think. She asked me if the sausage looked done. I suggested to cut it open, have a look. She figured it was done, and I agreed. It was a little pink, but it was a spiced sausage with red peppers littering the inside. There is lots of liquid fat, and for the most part it looked done. However, my spidey senses were telling me otherwise. BUT… I ate it, and so did she (inspecting it under the lamp all the while lol) On more than one occasion my spidey senses have been wrong. I eat and then panic. This used to happen frequently.

It has been about 4 Hrs since consumption. Shortly after getting off the bus I started to experience abdominal discomfort. Mind also I drank like three cups of green tea while I was there too. None the less, the discomfort is scare’n the shit outta me. I am freaking out that I’m gonna be outta commission by tomorrow morning. I picked up work tomorrow, I have a date Thursday. I keep saying to myself, I should have just said no. The rational side of my brain I’ve been working so hard on is failing me so quickly. The fears of going through this whole thing again are take’n over.

All I can do is sit. And wait. 😦


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