When my Life & the Stars collide (Pt. 4)
Thursday night, sitting at the Spot. I’m mingling with some participants, chit chatting with my worker Heather. Her and I weigh the scales. Pros and Cons of going to university. She thinks… Knows actually its a good investment. I know its a good investment.
I’ve tried going back more than once. I tried to upgrade my high school ed. I’ve got my grade twelve but I could have done better. I am doing better. This is the highest I’ve ever climbed since exiting the hospital two years ago.
Long story short I briefly mentioned to Heather that I’m having trouble with production. My motivation to create is too focused on the creepy fucked up shit you write in secret. The things that go bump in the night and scare you out of your skin… your sleep.
I leave the house. Go to shows, but all I can do is criticize. Really I don’t find inspiration while staring at the awesome creations of my competitors. The pavement outside most galleries is more interesting to me.
Heather quickly related a few of her educational experiences. I guess in the arts, first year you don’t get to be a critic. You get to be an observer. Your response to the world around you and the shit art put there for the world to see… It’s just pink, or its just blue. It’s smooth or rough.
I’m fuck’n it up and I haven’t even started university yet lol…
I put my head down and scribbled away the Thursday evening spot session.
Friday Morning. I walk into the office and find on my desk, The New Yorker. Face down on my keyboard exposing the gloss back and the first line reads,
“ IT IS NOT THE CRITIC
WHO COUNTS;” and it continues…
“THE CREDIT BELONGS
TO THE MAN WHO IS
ACTUALLY IN THE ARENA,
WHO STRIVES VALIANTLY;
WHO ERRS, WHO COMES
SHORT AGAIN AND AGAIN;
WHO SPENDS HIMSELF
IN A WORTHY CAUSE;
WHO AT THE BEST
KNOWS IN THE END
THE TRIUMPH OF
AND WHO AT THE WORST,
IF HE FAILS,
AT LEAST HE FAILS
WHILE DARING GREATLY.”
That morning a feeling long dormant inside of me stirred. There are many names for this feeling. Some call it simple emotion, others say their destiny is speaking. The most hardcore gamer would call it Entering Beast Mode. A religious man may say God has shown him peace. Others might consider themselves touched by enlightenment. I call it… The Chi. To me its just words to say, but what it means is an entire different ball game that spans an entire lifetime. A permanent tether of spirit to mind, mind to body and body to earth. A force that unifies all. When the Chi is functioning, when it is flowing things happen. Ready or not.
Soo where are the stars on this one? Well Thursday March 12th, 2015…
Source; Metro News, Horoscopes by Sally Brompton
“You may have to rethink your plans over the next few days as Saturn begins a retrograde phase. Don’t give on them completely though.”
Read this at the end of the day as per usual. I had plans, they required a bit of retooling. Saturn is toying with my Chi maybe. I’ve not given up though…
I’m just getting started.