Breaking the cycle…
WordPress jumped the gun on me and posted this before I could even write anything… And yes if your looking at that photo and thinking are those books in a freezer? You are correct. They are books in a freezer.
They have been there since September 2014. My OCD put them there. It made me feel safe to put them in the freezer. Some of these books confront and shatter my old fashioned religious beliefs. Some of them open my mind too much, blending imagination into the real world. A couple of them just straight up scare the shit outta me.
Early in my recovery I suffered from many delusions, hallucinations. I’d experience visual and auditory torment. There were moments in my recovery where I seriously questioned if I was being tormented by demonic spirit creatures.
There was a flipside to that coin however scarey it may have been. The alternative measure was to embrace logic. Test my environment, stretch the boundaries of personal experience. I held onto the books that scare the shit outta me. I stacked the ones that nearly broke my mind in this frozen vault and I waited.
I waited until my position in recovery was fortified with a multitude of tools honed specifically for confronting and breaking the unrealistic cycle of fear my mind trapped me in.
Today, the 1st day of a new chapter in my recovery… These books now sit on a shelf. They are perched right next to where I sleep. I take comfort in opening the pages again and not being afraid of what I may find. Here they sit, ready for adventure! (Note; It may not look like much, but I only keep books that I have read from cover to cover. Its more of a trophy cabinet than a bookshelf.)