When my Life & the Stars collide (Pt. 42)
“There are several opportunities open now that weren’t there before. The key is to take advantage of them. Find freedom in the strange and new. Be a pioneer today and venture into the unknown. This is a day to expand and reach new heights by having more confidence in your abilities. Things will get stale and boring if you keep doing the same things over and over.”
Today, there are no opportunities. Well maybe one if you count the opportunity to rest, but not by choice. Ok, maybe by choice. If there are future opportunities I don’t want to think about them today. Today I am taking advantage of being alone and shutting my eyes. Listening to the peaceful silence.
My life is full of strange and new, not just today. Past, present, future. I’m not sure I find that much freedom in it. Freedom to me would be the ability to come and go, explain myself to no one. Justify my decisions to no one. Be a “true pioneer” and venture into the unknown with regard for no one.
But eventually that existence gets lonely and it’s a vicious cycle. I believe there is a future coming where I expand and reach new heights. Confidence is not the issue. I’ve been confidently trending upward and forward for 3 Yrs steady from near death experience to working man. I kinda feel like in this moment standing still, I’m not being the most responsible man. My spending is out of control lol.
Today I’m conserving energy. Today I’m hiding inside from the sun, the heat because I don’t have the resources to properly feed myself. I’m 1 Day from payday and this time, I really need to get it right.
I have an itch, it wants out. I have a bug… I want to be an adventurer, into the unknown. I have dreams of setting and achieving goals to travel the world under my own human power. Dreams to own a home that I don’t spend the majority of my natural life paying off. I want to sell power back to the grid. I want to be a minimalist, satisfy my inner man and fulfill my inner peace.
The question I ask myself is… Am I posturing to pounce or circling to slump down into a heap of sleeping hair skin and bones, acquiescing to societies idea of natural progress by consuming, driving, building, marrying and divorcing. Standing still in a place where I’ll never be able to catch up with the fast lane?