recovery Day X – reboot

After Recovery…

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It has been a while since my last post… I typically posted here mostly about my recovery progress (sometimes retrogress) and after achieving an unprecedented state of mental health wellness; posting here pretty much completely halted.

Recovery in my experience over the past ten plus years has taught me that it is a perpetual state of mind, body & spiritual evolution. For the longest time effort required to simply exist felt paralyzing. Then life changed for me. Huge life changes. Hospitalization, Medications, countless hours spent with Support Workers, Psychiatrists & Peers propelled me into a state of recovery and beyond. 

Now that I’m here, at recovery the beyond part it is proving a bit illusive. Getting to the hear & now was actually pretty simple in comparison to where I’m trying to go for my future; In the past I set goals, put my head down and worked hard until success was firmly within my grasp.

After locking down full time employment with IDEALBIKES and committing myself to excellence in our Bayers Lake, Halifax N.S. Canadian location the rest fell to the wayside. Creative productivity is practically non existent. Even my hobbies lack the feeling of purpose. They are more of a mindless and madly off in all directions waste of time. Escapism. And… I am NOT Ok with that. Escapism IS fine, but everything needs to be forward moving to satisfy my unquenchable thirst to succeed & matter. Matter to me if not anyone else.

And soo we come full circle back to the origin story of recovery_channel™. A story about moving forward, making progress. The pursuit of Passion, Productivity & Purpose. And most importantly accountability; To Myself.

My Career & Passion @ IDEALBIKES 

My Creative Productions @ recovery_channel™ studio

My sense of Purpose in all I do. Work, Creativity, Escape;

I’m back to the keyboard, I have my head down and I’m getting shit done.

Photo Op; KODAK moment

Title; past & present, Photography by Ross W ©2015

Title; KODAK moment, Photography by Ross W ©2015

About; I was wandering through the local thrift shop, the Salvation Army in Dartmouth. At the back of the store there was a shelving unit packed full of these old projectors. It reminded me of back in the day lol (I’m only 31) when This was considered new technology in my grade school. How the times have changed.

Aries; 1. no stress… 2. progress

When my Life & the Stars collide (Pt. 20)

horoscope-aries-tattoo-designSource; Metro | May 1st – 3rd / 2015 | IT’S ALL IN THE STARS by Sally Brompton

Mercury’s change of sign today urges a change in attitude on your part. Try taking a step back from what you have been stressing about over the past few weeks.

Attitude. I’ve been seeing this meme on the internet “The only true disability is a bad attitude” usually coupled with some loving photograph of a cute kid with a disability or a smiling adult mustering all the positive attitude he can.

I’m not gonna bitch about it though, I already did that lol. My point, I have a disability and sometimes (like the past few weeks) I feel like shit. I’m trying to take a step back from it, and I’m doing ok. But FUCK YOU and your positive attitude pictures, whoever makes that shit. What is getting me through this? Experience, training, & a massive tool box of coping skills. And knowing that whatever is going on is right now, it’s beyond my control. I do what is within my control and cope, make it work. And sometimes I get a bad attitude about it. Good thing I have an actual diagnosis and not some bullshit lovey dovey bad attitude stomping pics from Dr. Meme. Jesus.

Source; The Coast | Vol. 22 No. 48 April 30 – May 6, 2015 | Free Will Astrology by Rob Brezsny

Chris Moneymaker was employed as an accountant in Tennessee. On a whim, he paid $39 to enter an online poker tournament. Although he knew a lot about the game, he had never competed professionally. Nevertheless, he won the tournament. As his award, he received no money, but rather an invitation to participate in the annual World Series of Poker in Las Vegas. Can you guess the storybook ending? The rookie triumphed over 838 pros, taking home $2.5 million. I don’t foresee anything quite as spectacular for you, Aries, but there may be similar elements in your saga. For example, a modest investment on your part could make you eligible for a chance to earn much more. Here’s another possible plot twist: You could generate luck for yourself by ramping up a skill that has until now been a hobby.”

Hah, its good to know that Rob Brezsny doesn’t foresee anything “quite as spectacular” for me in the future. But I can kinda relate to the story here. I’ve been holding off for a very long time on engaging a particular art collective. Membership requires a small contribution and in return they provide a wide array of resources to emerging artists. This collective is relocating. Their new residence will be much closer to my home and I’m bowing out of participation at The Spot, this seems like the next step. An opportunity to generate luck for myself and ramp up a skill (my art production) that has mostly been a hobby.

Brandt Eisner @ The Craig Gallery

Living With Ghosts by Brandt Eisner

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Medium here is Vintage Bullet Shells & Wire, pretty simple ingredients but the outcome is stunning! There was a lot of traditional art hanging on the walls. Square paintings from local artists of rather square things, houses and objects ect. But this caught my eye, and held my eye for a long time. Whatever the intrigue, Great Job Brandt Eisner. I think this is pretty awesome.

Photo Op; GOD ANTENNAE

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Title; GOD ANTENNAE, Photography by Ross W ©2015

Aries; I will do what? Fuck up the Budget?

When my Life & the Stars collide (Pt. 15)

horoscope-aries-tattoo-designSource; Metro | April, 23 / 2015 | IT’S ALL IN THE STARS by Sally Brompton

Everyone gets things wrong once in a while and you are no exception. If you make an error of judgement today – and you will – don’t try to deny it. Accept your mistake then set about putting it right.

I’m an exception, I’m sure of it. Cause today no “error of judgement” that I am aware of occurred. There is nothing to deny, and nothing to set right. This is why I don’t read my horoscopes in the morning with the rest of my news, its determination statements like “and you will” that commit me to an inevitable path of whatever the stars dictate to be my fate on any given day.

I think here in Canada, the political powers that be… Must be Aries and must be reading their Horoscopes with their morning coffee. Cause they are fucking things up left and right with this new Budget. And I see no putting it right in the near future. In fact I see a lot of the status quo, “lie, deny, then act surprised”.

Source; The Coast | April 23 – 29 / 2015, Vol. 22 / No. 47 | Free Will Astrology by Rob Brezsny

If you’re stumped about what present to give someone for a special occasion, you might buy him or her a gift card. It’s a piece of plastic that can be used as cash to buy stuff at a store. The problem is, a lot of people neglect to redeem their gift cards. They leave them in drawers and forget about them. Financial experts say there are currently billions of dollars going to waste on unredeemed gift cards. This is your metaphor of the moment, Aries. Are there any resources you’re not using? Any advantages you’re not capitalizing on? Any assets you’re ignoring? If so, fix the problem.

Again, I feel like this resonates with my feelings about the Budget here in Canada & specifically how it affects Nova Scotians. Maybe this is an abstract way to relate cause I know my Horoscope is supposed to be about me, but ya know all Aries read the same stuff just different sources and I think right now as a community of Aries (and other signs) here in Canada / Nova Scotia we might be thinking the same way? Maybe not.

The way I see it, there are all kindsa options that could have been implemented in this new Budget that wouldn’t be eliminating jobs by cutting the Film Tax Credit. I mean really? A 25 Mil credit that generates over 120 mil in revenue for 2700 + families in NS. 25 Mil in a multi billion dollar budget is nothing.

Then the announcement of more cuts to social services that impact the most vulnerable of our communities. Soon for a guy like me and many others that depend on the social benefits of our province won’t have any resources to utilize. Where are the advantages going in this country of plenty? Oh yeah, the top 1%!

I have an idea, how about introducing a more strict legislation on this gift card bullshit. I have at least three cards with money on them that has either expired (fucked if I know how money expires) or I can’t access because it doesn’t meet some minimum purchase criteria. Its MONEY, even if its just a dollar. Its BILLIONS just sitting in peoples homes and in Corporate bank accounts. Spent money that will likely never be used to purchase any goods but will line the pockets of the already super wealthy. Ugh. Gross.

Blast from the past; Life Happens.

Journal Entry by Ross W

Written in Toronto. A laundry room experience… date unknown

I found this little gem while digging through the relentless pile of life I’ve been dragging around with me from province to province, city to city. Have a read. Enjoy 🙂

Life Happens

it happens at 6 Am.

life changes at 6 Am.

I think for the first time ever in my life I am awake and doing laundry at 6 Am.

Decided to try and get a different start to my day and different is what I got.

There is a woman here, she is labouring over what looks like the laundry pile left behind by a battalion of children…

And, the sun is different. The people on the street are different. Its kinda like waking to an alien world. My natural post sunrise neighborhood is possessed by strangers. People I don’t commonly see.

The experience has raised my mind into a sort of silent utopia. It is very zen.

for the last few months I’ve been on cruise control really. Going to sleep, getting up at the last minute every morning. For whatever reason looking for excuses not to live my life. Rationalizing my days off into empty productivity.

Its nice to have days off, but not to rot my eyes on movies and video games…

Ugh, I feel so shitty about what happened yesterday.

*FUCKING TONELESS WOMAN!*

she just keeps on singing

“so much trouble in this world”

your darn fucking right there is…

Its right here singing. Ruining my zen.

the rest of the world is existing outside your headphones. Senseless bitch.

The End.