When my Life & the Stars collide (Pt. 46)

horoscope-aries-tattoo-designSource: Halifax Metro, It’s All In The Stars by Francis Drake

This afternoon is an excellent time for business and commerce. Trust your moneymaking ideas. Business-related travel is likely. Enjoy!”

Today (my day off) started off all business and I kinda like it that way. I put a lot of hours in but I also love my job and I love our customers. For readers that are not familiar with what I do. I am the Manager of a bike shop. As in bicycles. And I spent this afternoon caring for one of our customers. Making sure our customers get what they need and what they want is my specialty. And today I had the pleasure of delivering satisfaction out of a situation that could have otherwise been very disappointing. And we saved the customer some money, plus a little upgrade on the side.

Business Travel is very likely, all travel these days is for business lol. I did a fair bit of walking today and it felt great. The sun is coming out and it’s warming up here. I’ve been running a little on the side and I’m feeling the itch to get back on my bike. That’s not the kinda travel I’m dreaming of though 🙂

My Employer and Specialized Bicycles will be sending me to California in July to visit the Headquarters of all things “Specialized” … This is literally a lifelong dream of mine, to visit the North American hub of cycling. California is home to some of the largest bike & accessory designers/suppliers in the world. Literally candy land for a gearhead and brand addict like me.

Francis Drake, you were bang on today 😉

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Clinically Acclaimed!

recovery Day X; depression strikes

mq1Step 1. Tell Someone;

Depression is no stranger to me. I know what it looks like, how it changes my attitude and behaviour. And I know that when it strikes to suffer in silence is a common response. Depression crushes my drive to socialize. It crushes my desire to care for my home, to care for myself. It sucks the joy out of the things I love the most. Its a bummer, like a flat tire during the worst snowstorm of your life. And you don’t have a spare.

Well… A flat in the middle of the worst snowstorm of your life and no spare tire. You call someone. I know its hard. I know its embarrassing. I know it can strip you of pride. Rob a person of their ability to feel independent. Left unchecked long enough it can start to tear your life down. It can affect your job performance. Maybe even lead to job loss. Bills pile up; And the hole gets deeper and deeper.

Last Monday I was diagnosed with moderate to severe depression by my Doctor @ Connections. He diagnosed me because I told him something was wrong. And I was given two choices; Take more medication OR Initiate the use of my most powerful and effective tools, one being Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT).

For those of you not familiar with CBT, its basically a self or assisted launch of a learned tool. CBT helps a person evaluate situations negatively impacting their mental & physical health. Upon evaluation identify negative behaviours and implement a simple, attainable plan of action to help improve or correct the situation.

My Doctor & Connections are amazing. A worker was notified of my situation, it is not an emergency in my case because I have a strong history of self guided recovery. I set in motion a plan that day to right my course:

  1. Ride my bike! Healthy body, healthy mind. Exercise reduces stress.
  2. Eat Right. Drop the comfort foods, eat green & healthy proteins.
  3. Take out the trash, mentally & physically.
  4. Work Smart, be productive & creative. Feel Accomplished!
  5. Rinse and Repeat, but don’t overdo it. Start Small.

Soo far, since Monday I’ve executed steps 1 through 4 and I’m getting ready for the “Rinse/Repeat” part. I see improvements already. Its small, but ya gotta start somewhere.

Who knows, maybe my medication will increase? Is that bad? Meh, I don’t think so. But I can sure as hell tell anyone reading this;

I’mma fight. I’m gonna use my learned tools & fight!

Knowledge is power.

 

Aries; Anything but Empty

When my Life & the Stars collide (Pt. 45)

horoscope-aries-tattoo-designSource: horoscope.com || Janurary 6, 2016

The house might seem rather empty today, Aries, as most of the other members of your household are probably out and about. This is, however, a good time for you to take care of some projects of your own that you’ve been putting off. They might be tedious and rather boring, but think how good you’ll feel when they’re finally done! In the evening you might entertain some visitors. Enjoy your day.

Empty is a feeling I very rarely experience, especially when it comes to my environment. People or members are not really necessary. I mean factually there are no members of my household to be out and about. I guess in a way one could say that my projects are a little like children. I tend to them here and there, watch them grow. Some rebell others turn out spoiled with attention and few grow up into outstanding, contributions to society lol.

To be finished, finally done. I think that would be very boring. I’m not certain anything is really finished. Even here on my blog, occasionally I read back. Twenty or thirty posts and I make little tweaks.

In the evening I must admit entertainment is the devil here lol. I invite one sided conversations from the BBC, twitch.tv and google play into my home. Often all speaking at once, talking over one another and never about the same thing. It all comes out in the wash though, a man once said.

Enjoy my day, and my evening. I will.

a little boost plx

Coffee is not the answer.

I’ve been trying the coffee thing. I’ve tried energy drinks, tea & ginseng hits ect. The natural and the impure. Most of it actually boosts me for about 30-40 Min and then I crash and typically fall asleep.

I sleep more now in my 30’s recreationally than ever before. I sleep in, sleep late. I nap most evenings after eating, I nap away entire days off. I have no idea why. I’m actually starting to find it quite frustrating.

My activity levels have dropped off. Not riding my bike nearly as much as I would like. Not getting out as much as I’d like. And not cause I don’t want it, there is just a complete lack of motivation.

I’m putting on weight (which is near unheard of for me) and I don’t even wanna pour any time into something simple and non committal like a video game. Right now I lack soo much commitment I don’t even feel like committing to something that requires zero commitment lol.

Anyone out there feeling the grind?

Aries; I’ll do what I want

When my Life & the Stars collide (Pt. 43)

horoscope-aries-tattoo-designSource: horoscope.com || August 10, 2015

“This should be a fun day for you, Aries. You should enjoy a good mood and social times with others. Don’t do anything that requires discipline or realistic thinking. This is a better day to simply have fun and relax. If you must work, do your best to keep your mood up. You can have fun even if you’re being productive with menial tasks and duties.”

Ah, long story short… I’m single again. Annnd today was in fact a GREAT day! It was fun. I woke up, in a pretty good mood. I had a beer for breakfast, along with some fresh fruit. I don’t really do social things. Occasionally but not often.

I definitely did not do anything today that requires any discipline. I mostly played video games all morning while I meandered the day away doing laundry. I downloaded a new Audio Book, I am soo hooked on Audible by Amazon.

Around 5’ish I found myself thinking that getting out of the house would be a good idea. I hopped a bus to work and retrieved my road bike. There was some work on the counter that I could have easily done. I kinda felt like I should handle it but ya know what, I work tomorrow. I’ll handle it then. Today is my day off.

I hit the road home, made my best time ever 1 Hr on the dot with an average speed of 26.6 Kph… Nearly exploded my legs on that last hill before the big dive but I did it. A little screaming to myself, out loud lol. A little self motivation 🙂

Aries; today, I’m a survivalist

When my Life & the Stars collide (Pt. 42)

horoscope-aries-tattoo-designSource: horoscope.com || August 3, 2015

“There are several opportunities open now that weren’t there before. The key is to take advantage of them. Find freedom in the strange and new. Be a pioneer today and venture into the unknown. This is a day to expand and reach new heights by having more confidence in your abilities. Things will get stale and boring if you keep doing the same things over and over.”

Today, there are no opportunities. Well maybe one if you count the opportunity to rest, but not by choice. Ok, maybe by choice. If there are future opportunities I don’t want to think about them today. Today I am taking advantage of being alone and shutting my eyes. Listening to the peaceful silence.

My life is full of strange and new, not just today. Past, present, future. I’m not sure I find that much freedom in it. Freedom to me would be the ability to come and go, explain myself to no one. Justify my decisions to no one. Be a “true pioneer” and venture into the unknown with regard for no one.

But eventually that existence gets lonely and it’s a vicious cycle. I believe there is a future coming where I expand and reach new heights. Confidence is not the issue. I’ve been confidently trending upward and forward for 3 Yrs steady from near death experience to working man. I kinda feel like in this moment standing still, I’m not being the most responsible man. My spending is out of control lol.

Today I’m conserving energy. Today I’m hiding inside from the sun, the heat because I don’t have the resources to properly feed myself. I’m 1 Day from payday and this time, I really need to get it right.

I have an itch, it wants out. I have a bug… I want to be an adventurer, into the unknown. I have dreams of setting and achieving goals to travel the world under my own human power. Dreams to own a home that I don’t spend the majority of my natural life paying off. I want to sell power back to the grid. I want to be a minimalist, satisfy my inner man and fulfill my inner peace.

The question I ask myself is… Am I posturing to pounce or circling to slump down into a heap of sleeping hair skin and bones, acquiescing to societies idea of natural progress by consuming, driving, building, marrying and divorcing. Standing still in a place where I’ll never be able to catch up with the fast lane?

Aries; Just had to fuck it up…

When my Life & the Stars collide (Pt. 41)

horoscope-aries-tattoo-designSource: horoscope.com | July 27, 2015

Your mind may seem rather cloudy today, Aries, but don’t let this hinder you. In fact, you can use this dreamy feeling to your advantage. Try to bring more magic into your life. The more you accept your bizarre feelings and ideas, the more things will fall into place. Don’t think that everything in life has to be completely rational.

Aries, you were on a roll. Even on the days I haven’t been loyally reporting. I really felt like we had a thing going on, but this evening. You fucked it up! I was NOT cloudy today at all, in fact I was clear minded. I was on time, on my game and the only time dreamy feelings that overtook me was while I eyed my next bike purchase lol.

Magic is not really my thing; bizarre feelings… Ideas, oh man lets not go that deep down the rabbit hole. Things are falling into place but its cause of hard work, strategic thinking and experience. Everything in my life conforms to a certain rationality. No rational, no room for it up in here. I don’t do drama.