Check, check and check!

Lists Work. Mostly

Last night me, myself and I had a little talk about how lazy I am getting. My body and I agree that something must be done. And so I made a list of things to do. And I have ACHIEVED great things today. Let’s take a look; Here is my list…

  • Well, I’m gonna start by topping off my run jar for distances already ran.
  • My ass doesn’t like the morning. Solution: pack at night.
  • Tomorrow I am going to ride to work.
  • I am not going to eat garbage take out for breakfast.
  • I’m going to try and consume 355 Milliliters of water or more.
  • I am going to ride home. (Or to my managers meeting if there is one.)
  • I am not going to eat garbage take out for dinner.
  • I am going to check in with my blog, and let you know how I did.

Starting from the top. Ahh ok, so topping off the run jar. I didn’t actually do that lol. That is more of a day off thing. Starting seeecond from the top. I did pack everything the night before. Holy crap did this help. I woke up, washed my face and brushed my teeth. Put my clothes on without thinking or worrying that something was forgotten. It was pure organizational bliss!

I did actually ride to work. It was really beautiful out this morning. Sun shine, a little cool but once ya get going you don’t really notice. Ya know the funny thing is. I often sleep in. Like to the last minute sleep in. But I went to bed at midnight and set my alarm for 7:00 Am; I woke up at 6:41 this morning. That hasn’t happened to me for years. It’s like the planning put my body into a mode of preparedness. I really like how the morning came together.

Breakfast, I did eat out. But! I went to a much nicer place where I could sit down and read the paper. I could check out the news. Listen to the morning hum of the city. I had French Toast but with fresh fruit and the owner gave me two more tangerines free for the road.

Water consumption, this one always gets me. But I drank half my flask today and it’s about a litre in volume. I also had some G2, I did a lot of heavy lifting today and lost a lot of fluids. I know G2 is not the best thing to use for replenishing electrolytes but it’s what I got for now.  I also had a black tea. Not sure where that lands on the healthy scale?

Dinner, I am having salad. Its got kale and berries, some walnuts in it.

And lastly, check in here. Done, done and done.

Day 1. Success!

Rinse and Repeat.

 

When my Life & the Stars collide (Pt. 46)

horoscope-aries-tattoo-designSource: Halifax Metro, It’s All In The Stars by Francis Drake

This afternoon is an excellent time for business and commerce. Trust your moneymaking ideas. Business-related travel is likely. Enjoy!”

Today (my day off) started off all business and I kinda like it that way. I put a lot of hours in but I also love my job and I love our customers. For readers that are not familiar with what I do. I am the Manager of a bike shop. As in bicycles. And I spent this afternoon caring for one of our customers. Making sure our customers get what they need and what they want is my specialty. And today I had the pleasure of delivering satisfaction out of a situation that could have otherwise been very disappointing. And we saved the customer some money, plus a little upgrade on the side.

Business Travel is very likely, all travel these days is for business lol. I did a fair bit of walking today and it felt great. The sun is coming out and it’s warming up here. I’ve been running a little on the side and I’m feeling the itch to get back on my bike. That’s not the kinda travel I’m dreaming of though 🙂

My Employer and Specialized Bicycles will be sending me to California in July to visit the Headquarters of all things “Specialized” … This is literally a lifelong dream of mine, to visit the North American hub of cycling. California is home to some of the largest bike & accessory designers/suppliers in the world. Literally candy land for a gearhead and brand addict like me.

Francis Drake, you were bang on today 😉

Clinically Acclaimed!

recovery Day X; depression strikes

mq1Step 1. Tell Someone;

Depression is no stranger to me. I know what it looks like, how it changes my attitude and behaviour. And I know that when it strikes to suffer in silence is a common response. Depression crushes my drive to socialize. It crushes my desire to care for my home, to care for myself. It sucks the joy out of the things I love the most. Its a bummer, like a flat tire during the worst snowstorm of your life. And you don’t have a spare.

Well… A flat in the middle of the worst snowstorm of your life and no spare tire. You call someone. I know its hard. I know its embarrassing. I know it can strip you of pride. Rob a person of their ability to feel independent. Left unchecked long enough it can start to tear your life down. It can affect your job performance. Maybe even lead to job loss. Bills pile up; And the hole gets deeper and deeper.

Last Monday I was diagnosed with moderate to severe depression by my Doctor @ Connections. He diagnosed me because I told him something was wrong. And I was given two choices; Take more medication OR Initiate the use of my most powerful and effective tools, one being Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT).

For those of you not familiar with CBT, its basically a self or assisted launch of a learned tool. CBT helps a person evaluate situations negatively impacting their mental & physical health. Upon evaluation identify negative behaviours and implement a simple, attainable plan of action to help improve or correct the situation.

My Doctor & Connections are amazing. A worker was notified of my situation, it is not an emergency in my case because I have a strong history of self guided recovery. I set in motion a plan that day to right my course:

  1. Ride my bike! Healthy body, healthy mind. Exercise reduces stress.
  2. Eat Right. Drop the comfort foods, eat green & healthy proteins.
  3. Take out the trash, mentally & physically.
  4. Work Smart, be productive & creative. Feel Accomplished!
  5. Rinse and Repeat, but don’t overdo it. Start Small.

Soo far, since Monday I’ve executed steps 1 through 4 and I’m getting ready for the “Rinse/Repeat” part. I see improvements already. Its small, but ya gotta start somewhere.

Who knows, maybe my medication will increase? Is that bad? Meh, I don’t think so. But I can sure as hell tell anyone reading this;

I’mma fight. I’m gonna use my learned tools & fight!

Knowledge is power.

 

recovery Day X – reboot

After Recovery…

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It has been a while since my last post… I typically posted here mostly about my recovery progress (sometimes retrogress) and after achieving an unprecedented state of mental health wellness; posting here pretty much completely halted.

Recovery in my experience over the past ten plus years has taught me that it is a perpetual state of mind, body & spiritual evolution. For the longest time effort required to simply exist felt paralyzing. Then life changed for me. Huge life changes. Hospitalization, Medications, countless hours spent with Support Workers, Psychiatrists & Peers propelled me into a state of recovery and beyond. 

Now that I’m here, at recovery the beyond part it is proving a bit illusive. Getting to the hear & now was actually pretty simple in comparison to where I’m trying to go for my future; In the past I set goals, put my head down and worked hard until success was firmly within my grasp.

After locking down full time employment with IDEALBIKES and committing myself to excellence in our Bayers Lake, Halifax N.S. Canadian location the rest fell to the wayside. Creative productivity is practically non existent. Even my hobbies lack the feeling of purpose. They are more of a mindless and madly off in all directions waste of time. Escapism. And… I am NOT Ok with that. Escapism IS fine, but everything needs to be forward moving to satisfy my unquenchable thirst to succeed & matter. Matter to me if not anyone else.

And soo we come full circle back to the origin story of recovery_channel™. A story about moving forward, making progress. The pursuit of Passion, Productivity & Purpose. And most importantly accountability; To Myself.

My Career & Passion @ IDEALBIKES 

My Creative Productions @ recovery_channel™ studio

My sense of Purpose in all I do. Work, Creativity, Escape;

I’m back to the keyboard, I have my head down and I’m getting shit done.

Aries; I’ll do what I want

When my Life & the Stars collide (Pt. 43)

horoscope-aries-tattoo-designSource: horoscope.com || August 10, 2015

“This should be a fun day for you, Aries. You should enjoy a good mood and social times with others. Don’t do anything that requires discipline or realistic thinking. This is a better day to simply have fun and relax. If you must work, do your best to keep your mood up. You can have fun even if you’re being productive with menial tasks and duties.”

Ah, long story short… I’m single again. Annnd today was in fact a GREAT day! It was fun. I woke up, in a pretty good mood. I had a beer for breakfast, along with some fresh fruit. I don’t really do social things. Occasionally but not often.

I definitely did not do anything today that requires any discipline. I mostly played video games all morning while I meandered the day away doing laundry. I downloaded a new Audio Book, I am soo hooked on Audible by Amazon.

Around 5’ish I found myself thinking that getting out of the house would be a good idea. I hopped a bus to work and retrieved my road bike. There was some work on the counter that I could have easily done. I kinda felt like I should handle it but ya know what, I work tomorrow. I’ll handle it then. Today is my day off.

I hit the road home, made my best time ever 1 Hr on the dot with an average speed of 26.6 Kph… Nearly exploded my legs on that last hill before the big dive but I did it. A little screaming to myself, out loud lol. A little self motivation 🙂

Aries; today, I’m a survivalist

When my Life & the Stars collide (Pt. 42)

horoscope-aries-tattoo-designSource: horoscope.com || August 3, 2015

“There are several opportunities open now that weren’t there before. The key is to take advantage of them. Find freedom in the strange and new. Be a pioneer today and venture into the unknown. This is a day to expand and reach new heights by having more confidence in your abilities. Things will get stale and boring if you keep doing the same things over and over.”

Today, there are no opportunities. Well maybe one if you count the opportunity to rest, but not by choice. Ok, maybe by choice. If there are future opportunities I don’t want to think about them today. Today I am taking advantage of being alone and shutting my eyes. Listening to the peaceful silence.

My life is full of strange and new, not just today. Past, present, future. I’m not sure I find that much freedom in it. Freedom to me would be the ability to come and go, explain myself to no one. Justify my decisions to no one. Be a “true pioneer” and venture into the unknown with regard for no one.

But eventually that existence gets lonely and it’s a vicious cycle. I believe there is a future coming where I expand and reach new heights. Confidence is not the issue. I’ve been confidently trending upward and forward for 3 Yrs steady from near death experience to working man. I kinda feel like in this moment standing still, I’m not being the most responsible man. My spending is out of control lol.

Today I’m conserving energy. Today I’m hiding inside from the sun, the heat because I don’t have the resources to properly feed myself. I’m 1 Day from payday and this time, I really need to get it right.

I have an itch, it wants out. I have a bug… I want to be an adventurer, into the unknown. I have dreams of setting and achieving goals to travel the world under my own human power. Dreams to own a home that I don’t spend the majority of my natural life paying off. I want to sell power back to the grid. I want to be a minimalist, satisfy my inner man and fulfill my inner peace.

The question I ask myself is… Am I posturing to pounce or circling to slump down into a heap of sleeping hair skin and bones, acquiescing to societies idea of natural progress by consuming, driving, building, marrying and divorcing. Standing still in a place where I’ll never be able to catch up with the fast lane?

Photo Op; in the basement there is…

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Title; in the basement. Photography by Ross W © 2015

There is a thing in the basement, it goes bump sometimes. Sometimes; the pipes shudder and the taps leak. Whirring and humming noises stumble out of the shadows as the pumps and heaters secretly labor for the upstairs world…

I grew up in a house that in the beginning our basement had a dirt floor, it was dark even with the lights on. The only access was a spooky staircase with no banister. Spiders and beetles, earwigs of unimaginable size (to a child) lurked ready to pounce. The above photo was taken in the basement of my current building. This is a small room where the piping comes in from the pump and the hot water heater. I found the long shadows of the copper pipe familiar and the abandoned bottle lightly covered in sand; seems like it was teleported here, never touched by human hands. This photo brought back a rush of memories, home. Mom & Dad. Life.